Oh about that...

So today has definitely been any interesting one to say the least.

After talking to Cynthia and Ling yesterday via text about my possible move to NY, I couldn't help but cry all night. I love those two people. We're all different and similar at the same time. I know my move to NY will only distance me more with them. Cyn and Ling already do everything Ling and I use to do when I was back home. Before I wasn't miles up miles away. Somehow the distance has served to make ling and me distant. I'm not the person she shares things with. There's very little text, calls, etc. I guess I miss being that "it" friend. It's ridiculous I know. I love Cynthia very much. She's one of my best friends. I mean who could blame Ling for being close with her. I just wish I didn't feel so left behind. But that's part of life. People need things...need people. And sometimes those people aren't exactly you. If only memories could not only be captured, but held. I know sometimes I feel like If I could hold on to them...I'd never let go.


Bad? tragic? or both?


I don't know the answer. Maybe the answer isn't an easy one. Too bad cause I could definitely use a nice mug of hot coco and a "it's all better now" moment. Figured it wouldn't be that simple. What do you expect. Life is definitely interesting.

Oh but the Future...

As I get closer to graduation, so does the idea of what comes ahead. It seems eveyone is thinking about where they're heading to. Some are planning to go to New York, others are staying in Chicago, while the rest are scattered across the country.

So many options and so many decisions. I feel like I've arrived at some crossroad, where it's my turn to choose which path I will follow. I would love to say that at this very moment I'm jumping for joy, awaiting for the next big thing with open arms. But frankly, I'm a bit terrified.


Where do I go from here? What path should I follow? Simple Questions...but tough ones to answer.


Two of my friends here in Chicago are on the move--looking for apartments in Ny. They even set to head off there in two weeks to check them out. They asked me before, if I was considering NY...possibly get a four-bedroom apt. But being me, I've stalled.

NY is the right choice for my career. But my family and friends are in California. I miss them every second I'm here in Chicago. I know I know. There will come a day, where I'll have to make a decision based on what's best for me.



I wish I'd known they'd had plans to head out to NY to see apartments and whatnot. But atlast, how would they have known my stalling was just my slow way of pondering over things.


As of now, the future is a big cloud of I don't know...

Life isn't easy...

Never expect life to be easy! If it was we'd all be unchanged and unmotivated--completely static-- to be anything but what we already are.

I'm a big believer on always improving one's self without losing the touch of reality and sense of "present". What I mean is that with everything there's a balance. You can't live in the moment expecting it to last forever. Maybe you'll invent a time machine or get a 3 wishes from a genie to go back to those moments of bliss. But for now, time leaves no one behind.

However, always looking for some magic eraser to take away our flaws without accepting them as definitions of who we are is like seeking some elusive mirage in the desert. It's easy get caught on trying to put out better copies of ourselves, but we forget that quality is far better than quantity.

That's the kind of motto I want to base my life on...

I want to wake up each morning with the zest of life ringing in my ears and heart. To know that no matter the fastballs life throws at me, I'll continue to cherish each and every day.


Slowly the fragments of the girl I use to know are coming back. The girl who was quiet and observant, gazed at stars and the moon, involved in her friends' every day lives, said a prayer before bed, made meals without a recipe, had laugh attacks on occasions, enjoyed the sweet harmony of words and pages, read a book a day, called her parents two times a day. A girl who loved life.

Yes that girl is coming back, blossoming again. And I have the patience of God and life lessons to thank.

Love's complicated Woes...

Despite the fact that February is long gone and with it...Valentine's Day, there's a buzzing of romance, a smell of love in the air. The kind that will lead to sweet bliss or heartbreak.


Love takes on many forms, whether it's complicated romance, unrequited or soul-finding. Everyone has been in love or had a crush at one point in their lives. Some started out in hallways and lunch breaks. Others in summer vacations and lecture halls. The point is that we've all felt the sweetness of a kiss (chaste or unchaste) and the soul wretching goodbyes.

There really isn't words that can heal the pain. But, what I can say is that one day as we look out our window or we wake up from our beds, the pain will cease to hurt.

I leave you with my facebook status:

you realize that shaggy and scooby are perfect together and your broken heart is not shattering , but healing. :)

A semi-sweet return

You don't understand what it means to type this blog. Has a year gone by? No? It feels like it. I feel speechless. It's as if words have compiled within me and now that I can usher them out...I find myself flabbergasted--unable to pour out everything I've wanted to say and write.

If you were to ask me how this quarter is going, I would have to say, "Let me think about it."

Because I have no idea how I truly feel about this quarter. I loved second quarter because for once I felt like a reporter--gaining experience--unlike this quarter where once again I am Jennifer, the student.

Don't get me wrong, I love to learn. But, there comes a point where you don't want to just read about it in the books. You want to get your hands dirty.


I've been so frustrated recently. Almost bent out of shape and unwilling to see the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow (yes it's my analogy). I use to enjoy life with gusto, but now I feel like I'm just surviving.

Whatever happen to the girl who just wanted to write? I don't know where she went. All I know is that she's still there...right at the surface hoping for her chance. I can tell because my fingers itch for words. I'm like the weary traveler thirsting for a glass of water. I crave the tension between my brows as I try to come up with another scene in my book or the sense of accomplishment when I've posted another post on my blog. To write, what a life worth living.


I need to get back to who I am. I am a girl. A writer. A living, breathing wonder.

Changes and Realizations...

It seems like a year ago that I sat down and typed a post. I'm sure I could say that it was the countless hours spent on hundreds of emails to potential interviewers or any other excuses. But, the simple fact is that I haven't felt that burning inkling to write about anything (at least nothing on my blog).

But, today as I'm waiting for my digital storytelling class to start, I find myself navigating to my blog and to that blank text box. Even the keyboards, all soiled and shiny, beckon me on.

What's new?

Everything and Nothing?


The major one is that I've slowly started eating meat again. After 2 months of being a loyal vegetarian...I've resorted back to my old ways. Not that there is any difficulties (at least nothing major) in being one, but I think the reasons we're all wrong.

I care about animals. Some would call me a hypocrite for consuming them. And all I could say is that I am. It's sad, but I am. I love animals, but I still eat them. The mentality is skewed. Trust me, no one knows it more than me. It really has nothing to do with free will or lack of restraint, but more to the reasons behind it. I think vegetarians and vegans are truly committed people. It's not easy to always be different. To stand up for what you believe and live your life on the basis of that principle. I salute them.

Unfortunately, I do not join the ranks. Maybe in the future I will be ready to shift. Maybe principle not motions will drive me.


As for the newsroom. It's great. stressful, but wonderful at the same time. I have my own desk, phone, and folders. You know you've hit it big when you have all three. There's something motivating about the newsroom that makes all the stressful, doubtful days spent before worth it.


I've also moved to another room (7th floor). It's still new so I'm still getting the hang of everything. Luckily, I got some good friends on the same floor. So I'm thinking that I'm up for some very fun and interesting moments (like watching Mulan with some potato salad and ketchup popcorn).


Today as I was walking to the L train, the wind was blowing. The feeling was so wonderful. The music on my ipod was rich and soulful. I even put my hand out to touch the wind. It felt so good to feel so carefree. To see the beauty of it all.


Life is good for the most part. If we can't enjoy our own lives...who will?