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An adventure in solitudeland...

So tomorrow I'm going to be out all day. Who knows what I'll do. Maybe I'll take the bus to target and look around every aisle. Or ride the L to magnificent mile...or visit the zoo again. Or..or..or.

I just need to be out in open air and shed away all the gloom and rules around me. I'll update this post with what I ended up doing.


For now I say adieu

Back to Chicagoland...

So I'm back after a week of pure happiness and relaxation in good old sunny California.

Just thinking about home makes me sad. Spending time with my parents and friends this past week makes my return a hard thing to do. I didn't realize how much I wanted...no NEEDED to see my parents and friends. To hear them. To talk to them. To be with them.

But, a good part of me is happy to be back. To restart the new chapter in my life. I also missed my friends here...I miss their personalities, jokes, conversations, etc. This quarter should hold some very exciting things in store for me. So I'm happy to be back to the role of aspiring journalist.


I really should go out to a movie tonight..try to dust off the homesick blues away. It's bad to start the quarter with a gloomy attitude.

Can I just say that my room seems bigger. I don't know why...but it does. lol. But, ask me that tomorrow...I'm sure I'll be heading down to the office demanding for a one bedroom apartment. nah. I need to save.


Wow it's only been four paragraphs and I already feel better. Words..they're powerful things.



well I should search some movie listings before I turn lazy and decide to stay inside.


p.s

sorry for the randomness. My mind is in the clouds. My heart is in California.

The almost end of a quarter...

It seems like a week ago when I went to that first day of orientation, but at the same time, I feel like it's been a century since I last saw my family and friends back home.


I can't look back and regret the decision of coming to Northwestern. I simply cannot. Yes it's been times when I've come close (very close) to calling quits. But, a word, a smile, a laugh, a "good job" keeps me going. Adding sparks to my dim fire.


Beat reporting has definitely been interesting and overwhelming for me, but rewarding. In part, I have learned so much on a topic that has been dear to my heart. I feel like I appreciate the beauty of nature and how important it is to really take care of it. "Don't destroy it, protect it". That's such a great motto.


I can't believe the first quarter is ending. I've been counting the days and hours for the day when I can walk out of Fisk Hall and yell on the top of my lungs: FREEDOM!

Freedom sounds delicious like that smooth melting truffle in your mouth, slowly taking you to that uncharted paradise meant only for you.


Life in Evanston/Illinois has been good to me. We've had our good and bad moments together. But, through these moments, I've learned so much about others and myself.


I learned that you just got to be yourself as much as possible. People will either like you or not like you. Why not just be yourself. You can't please everybody. Maybe we weren't meant to please everyone. Yes we're meant to be good to each other and be there for each other. But, do we have to lose ourselves in the process. No I don't think so.


I don't want to lose who I am. I'm a wallflower, calm (for the most part), helpful, loving, serious, weird and quirky girl. I use to want to be that popular girl. You know that one that everyone wanted to hangout with because you know they were cool. Sometimes that fantasy lingers for a small moment, but after the moment is gone, I realize that I'm not. I'll always be a little to shy and reserve for some people. I'll be a little too strange for others. I'll be a little too much of something. But, I believe that if you're lucky...you'll find people who can appreciate the differences without diminishing them.


I've heard this over and over: Jenn you're observant aren't you? My answer to that is yes. It's a trait I've tried to harness as much as possible. I'm constantly at the margins of conversations and activity because my eyes and ears are everywhere. Most times, I feel like there's really no use in me contributing to a conversation when it seems like it's going well without my feedback. But, I absolutely love watching people converse. I love how they tell a story and why they tell it. How they sigh in one part, and shrug in another. There's so much that you can learn by observing people.


It's also nice to help people. I've always felt this compelling need to help people. Whether it's a smile or a small gift. I just need to do it. It's fundamental.

Recently, I went to a small Mexican restaurant because I was craving some good old' Mexican food. The place was pretty good. First Mexican restaurant I've been to that makes their chips with flour tortilla instead of traditional corn tortillas. I was there by myself. I usually don't mind eating alone. But, there were all these groups with families and couples laughing and enjoying life. Adding to the ambiance was a man singing old traditional Latin songs. There was one...I don't remember the title that I use to hear my parents play all the time. Almost instantly, I felt tears gather, as I picked up my horchata. I had to get out of that place as soon as possible. I must have scared the waiters there since I paid my bill and almost sprinted out of that place. Of course I had leftovers since my mood had stopped me from enjoying my food. But here I am with a to go box and a dim mood at hand walking to the L stop. When I get to the platform, a nice homeless man jokes, "oh you brought me dinner". I immediately offer it to him. I really don't need the food. Who knows how long this man has eaten a decent meal. Here I am with my irrational mood, when this man is jolly and full of life as can be.

If anything I got from that event is that life is never easy. It never pans out exactly like you want, but you know what? Others have it worse than you. You got to take it and run with it. Life will pour out obstacles, but the key is not to let them conquer you.

A Blazing hearth all alone.

There is something about Fridays that depress me. They should be reliefs from long hours of research and reporting. But, in my case, they're just reminders of some illusion I keep foolishly believing I have.

In two weeks or more I shall head home. Home, that one word that represents joy, laughter, and imperfections. That one word sends me to some fruitful haven in my mind, heart and soul where I am free and complete.

It may be hard to believe, but I do like it here. It's just that I feel myself trying and trying. Constantly moving and moving. Always in motion. Never comfortable. Nunca acceptada.

My friends back home keep wondering when they'll see me. They've even plan the day. Signed the T's. I think it's one of the hard things about living so far from home (besides my parents) is not being with them. I know exactly my place and footing with them. I can be stark crazy, dead serious or simply philosophical.

I don't have awkward silences with them. I use to have a sense of humor and knew how to use it for crying out loud. If my friends saw me now they'd think I'd gone absolutely bonkers.


Focus on my stories and finals. That's exactly what needs to be on my mind. You came here to be a better writer. Go back to observation mode. Remember you we're meant for margins not front pages.


I feel like a broken record. I should pop in Rush Hour 3 and let the fun team take it away.



-One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul, and yet no one ever comes to sit by it.
Vincent Van Gogh

Home is where the heart is...

A nice man I interviewed asked me if I would ever stay in Evanston. The answer is a definite no. I mean Evanston is a nice city and definitely more environmentally conscious than my hometown Pasadena. But, it's not home.

My little white house with blue borders is not a block away--waiting for me with its big amazon trees and yellow grass. I can't open the door with my "special" key, and find my mom switching back and forth from her Brazilian telenovelas (soap operas) and the Central America news channel. Nor can I see my dad sitting in his one-of-a-kind chair, watching the lakers shoot some three point shots or reruns of two and a half men.


I'm a family girl. I've always had a bestfriend relationship with my parents. Even when we've had our disagreements, we've quickly made up and moved on. It's what we the Luna family do. So I need to be close to my parents, whether talking to them on the phone or hanging out with them. I know some people my age don't feel the need be constantly with their parents, but I do. I'm that kid that webcams with her parents about how ther week went on a weekly basis.



But, I love it here. I continue to have conversations with my classmates, interviewees, etc, that open my eyes to new things--things I'd never thought about before.


Some have commented on my quietness/observative nature. It's been something I've been known for. I think being picked by bullies in middle school forced me to be aware of the small details. To pay attention to the tell-bits that might say I'm ok on the surface, but the subtext says I need someone to listen.

I remember a particular day that will always be engraved in my mind. It was during recess, and we'd just finished eating our snacks, my role as a kicking bag began. And with that came all the taunting names children say.

But, that day was different. The voice of my guardian or so I called the young man who came to my rescue like some knight right out of a fairytale. I remember feeling at that moment that someone there finally took the time to look deeper. I will always remember that man, even when his face fades through time, his kindness will always be a driving force for me to always pay attention to the needs of those who get over looked.

So if I can pay the kindness forward by giving a compliment, a smile, or help to someone else than I've lived a good life.