Life is Grand...

I've been pondering for a while on Life and all its complexities. Yes I grunt and complain about my misgivings, but if given the opportunity to live a different life...well I wouldn't budge. Not for the life of me would I change the experiences, pains and joys I've gone through. They have become uniquely my own. I say this all because there are times (I'm sure most people feel this way) when I wonder if I'm making some small difference in this world whether by my presence, words or encouragement. However, I don't realize that I waste precious energy and time questioning such things.

Is it not enough to make up with air in my lungs? Is it not enough to have a good education? To have warm food and clothes? To have a loving family and dear friends to call your own?

Somehow over the past weeks here at Northwestern, I've forgotten how much I should be thankful and appreciative about the life I lead. It's easy to get caught up in the effects of stress. But, if I've acquired any philosophical principle is that I never want to live a life of regret.

I've seen people who live their entire lives searching for some ghost of a memory that leaves them at the end of the day, less happy.

One of my favorite books is Tuesdays with Morrie. I remember picking it up when I was younger and immediately falling in love. It taught me to appreciate every second life gives me. It might sound morbid, but you just never know when you'll be here on earth. I want to be those individuals who see, taste, smell and touch everything life brings to their doorstep.

SO if you paint...PAINT PASSIONATELY. If you laugh...LAUGH HARDER. If you sing...SING TO THE CLOUDS ABOVE. And keep living living living.

First one out of the park...

Well I've decided to make another blog. How many blogs is that....101? lol.


I really just wanted to carve this little piece of cyberspace for Chicago/MSJ. Not to say that I will focus solely on those two areas. Life is Life...it's interwoven.


Anyways...


So MSJ at Northwestern has been quite an experience to say the very least. There's days when you're close to pulling out your hair or mentally frying your brain because you're sweating over an assignment/interview. But, at the end of the day, you feel like you've stretched your limits in ways that you could not have imagined. That in itself is a feat. Or at least an accomplishment of the sort.


One of the things I've learned about Journalism since I've arrived is that I previously knew zilch to none about whats at the core of this field. Every day I'm learning, learning and learning.


In learning, I've gotten to do some really out-of-character things such as approaching random individuals and getting them to open up about their life story. Believe me, I don't do these things. It takes a good while for me to get use to people and open up.


Naturally I've painfully shy, which is ironic in my field. Yes, I know. It's just who I am. I've always been an observer...you know those people who are deeply engaged in the conversation and body language, but who don't really say much. That is until I really get comfortable. From that point on...boy I can talk.


Speaking of talking, haven't you noticed those moments in our lives where we just instantly connect with another person, while struggling to be comfortable with others?


Take for example my roommate Xin, I instantly bonded with her when we found out that we both love
K-dramas.


Not to say I haven't made friends here...it's just harder to establish a bridge with most of them. I mean these people are all intelligent, outgoing individuals. And than you get me...reserved Jenn. lol.



My nature tends to alienate people, especially if they are polar opposites. It's very interesting and frustrating at the same time. With my friends back in California, I'm comfortable with being outgoing and more talkative. But, something in me shuts off when I'm with new people. It's absolutely dreadful, especially when you can tell that people are wondering if I have a voice at all or whether I'm "fun" to be around.


I wish I had my dad's gift. I call it a gift because I don't possess it at all. Friends and family say I do have it...I've just buried it deep down. HA! I wish I had the gift of being able to break down people's walls no matter their age, race, gender, etc. To make people feel comfortable enough for them to share a little piece of themselves with you. I really feel it's such a privilege when someone tells you their opinions, hobbies, dramas, etc because it means that they looked past your exterior and know at the end of the day that you can be trusted.


I really admire people who are naturally sociable. I really do. Majority of the people here are outgoing. I wish I could be like them.



There's this recent quote I found:

"Learn to... be what you are, and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not. "

~Henri Frederic Amiel



This really defines it for me.

I have to learn to accept myself completely. And realize that maybe I'll never be social like others are. And maybe I'll lose people this way. But, maybe there will be people who will stick around and wait for me to get to that comfort zone. It's definitely a gamble.



But, I love it here. Despite my limited social graces, I honestly love where I'm at. Yes it's stressful and overwhelming at times, but I'm learning new things, doing new things and meeting new people I could only dream of before.