First one out of the park...

Well I've decided to make another blog. How many blogs is that....101? lol.


I really just wanted to carve this little piece of cyberspace for Chicago/MSJ. Not to say that I will focus solely on those two areas. Life is Life...it's interwoven.


Anyways...


So MSJ at Northwestern has been quite an experience to say the very least. There's days when you're close to pulling out your hair or mentally frying your brain because you're sweating over an assignment/interview. But, at the end of the day, you feel like you've stretched your limits in ways that you could not have imagined. That in itself is a feat. Or at least an accomplishment of the sort.


One of the things I've learned about Journalism since I've arrived is that I previously knew zilch to none about whats at the core of this field. Every day I'm learning, learning and learning.


In learning, I've gotten to do some really out-of-character things such as approaching random individuals and getting them to open up about their life story. Believe me, I don't do these things. It takes a good while for me to get use to people and open up.


Naturally I've painfully shy, which is ironic in my field. Yes, I know. It's just who I am. I've always been an observer...you know those people who are deeply engaged in the conversation and body language, but who don't really say much. That is until I really get comfortable. From that point on...boy I can talk.


Speaking of talking, haven't you noticed those moments in our lives where we just instantly connect with another person, while struggling to be comfortable with others?


Take for example my roommate Xin, I instantly bonded with her when we found out that we both love
K-dramas.


Not to say I haven't made friends here...it's just harder to establish a bridge with most of them. I mean these people are all intelligent, outgoing individuals. And than you get me...reserved Jenn. lol.



My nature tends to alienate people, especially if they are polar opposites. It's very interesting and frustrating at the same time. With my friends back in California, I'm comfortable with being outgoing and more talkative. But, something in me shuts off when I'm with new people. It's absolutely dreadful, especially when you can tell that people are wondering if I have a voice at all or whether I'm "fun" to be around.


I wish I had my dad's gift. I call it a gift because I don't possess it at all. Friends and family say I do have it...I've just buried it deep down. HA! I wish I had the gift of being able to break down people's walls no matter their age, race, gender, etc. To make people feel comfortable enough for them to share a little piece of themselves with you. I really feel it's such a privilege when someone tells you their opinions, hobbies, dramas, etc because it means that they looked past your exterior and know at the end of the day that you can be trusted.


I really admire people who are naturally sociable. I really do. Majority of the people here are outgoing. I wish I could be like them.



There's this recent quote I found:

"Learn to... be what you are, and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not. "

~Henri Frederic Amiel



This really defines it for me.

I have to learn to accept myself completely. And realize that maybe I'll never be social like others are. And maybe I'll lose people this way. But, maybe there will be people who will stick around and wait for me to get to that comfort zone. It's definitely a gamble.



But, I love it here. Despite my limited social graces, I honestly love where I'm at. Yes it's stressful and overwhelming at times, but I'm learning new things, doing new things and meeting new people I could only dream of before.